Mommy in Chief

Garcelle Beauvais’s Blog: Dating as a Single Mom

Best known for her roles on The Jamie Foxx Show and NYPD Blue, the actress, 45, just wrapped her second season on TNT’s Franklin & Bash. Mom to three sons — Oliver, 21, and 4½-year-old twins Jax and Jaid — Beauvais supports the Step Up Women’s Network and is also active with March of Dimes, Children Uniting Nations and Yéle Haiti Foundation. She can be found on Twitter @GarcelleB. In her latest blog, the actress writes about her experiences attempting to date as a single mom.

I was so touched by the wonderful feedback that many of you gave me on my last blog. I really appreciate your kind words, and I’m thrilled that sharing my experiences has helped those of you out there who are dealing with a similar situation. I really believe it’s important to make choices that are best for our individual circumstances, no matter what anyone else may think. So be true to your heart — because no one knows your situation the way you do. After becoming single again, I thought I should try to get back into the dating game. And I’m not gonna lie — I didn’t like it. There were several reasons. While I’m so grateful for the career and opportunities I’ve had, being in the public eye is tough because there is no mystery about who I am. After splitting from my ex, I went on a lunch date. I found it odd that this man just talked about himself. Then he said, “I know you’ve been going through a hard time.” Clearly, he had Googled my name. And yes, that gave him a chance to see pictures of me and to know what roles I’ve played. I’m sure he also read some gossip about me. And while whatever is online doesn’t begin to tell you the story of who I am — or who anyone is for that matter — he acted like he knew everything there was to know about me. It was weird. On another date, I had dinner with a nice enough man. But the next thing I knew, he called me and asked for my passport number so he could send a driver and surprise me with an international trip. Who does that?! I was blown away. We only went to one dinner! He was persistent, too! But I told him I couldn’t do that. I’m a mother — I can’t just disappear for weeks at a time with a stranger. As a public person, I can’t Internet date, either. Friends can set me up or I can meet people at events, but cyberspace mingling is out of the question. Some of my friends suggested that I go out with younger men — you know, give the whole cougar thing a try. And I did go out with a few young guys just to see what it would be like, but it didn’t feel right for me. Then I went out with someone way more famous than me. Of course, I won’t say who it is. We went on exactly one date, but you’d never know that if you saw the tabloids. The press treated it like we were practically registering for china! That can cause problems, too, because it could stop other people from asking me out if they think I’m taken. But these experiences actually helped me out, because I realized that I really wasn’t prepared to get involved with anyone. I sure as heck wasn’t ready to be intimate with someone, because I felt like I would cry through the whole thing. And that is definitely not sexy. Ha! So about a year ago, I decided to take myself off of the market, at least for the time being. Once I made this choice, I felt an immense sense of relief. I felt no pressure to fill the void of a romantic relationship with somebody new. I just wanted to work on myself and be the best mom I could be.

By taking that anxiety out of my life, it helped me feel completely relaxed, which has gotten me to a place of being open to meeting someone. While I’m not rushing to get back into another relationship, my heart is now much more open to it. But I do have some rules. When you come with children, it weeds out men who don’t want to deal with kids, which is fine by me. That goes in the plus column of being a single or divorced parent. My sons are my world. They come first. Honestly, I don’t want to introduce my kids to anybody, unless it is someone I have dated for a while and we have become serious about each other. I’ve seen many high-profile celebrities with young children go from one person to another, and I question that. As a parent, I think you need time to reflect. I feel you also need to make sure that your kids are doing well because it’s not just about you. After a breakup, they’re going through a loss as well. I don’t want my kids to think that people are disposable, and if a marriage doesn’t work out, bringing in new romantic partner right away may give off that impression. Time is needed for healing. And you have to ask yourself if it will hurt the kids to bring someone else into their lives too soon. For me, that answer is yes. To make this transition better for all of us, I’ve decided that — as I ease back into the dating scene — I will only do so during the times when Jax and Jaid aren’t with me. If I knew someone would be around for a while, and we dated for at least a good six months, then I would consider introducing him to my boys. But I would do it slowly and carefully. I recently attended a wedding where I sat at a table with a wonderful couple. They are so in love. After chatting with them for a while, the woman told me that she was a single parent with two children when she met her now-husband. They dated for 10 years, and he was never allowed to sleep at her house because she didn’t feel it was right for the kids. I was so impressed with her for taking such a strong stance on this. And I love that he respected her and the kids so much that he agreed to it! To me, that’s the gold medal of love. Do I get lonely? Yes. Do I want to eventually snuggle with someone who weighs more than 35 lbs? Absolutely! But I want to attract an emotionally healthy person, and I now know you have to be what you want to attract. And I’m getting closer to being that kind of person every day. The blessing of taking this time for myself has been that I’ve finally discovered my true self. And now that I have, I feel more confident about what I have to offer as a mother, friend, and future romantic partner.

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lthough Nicole Parker and Boris Kodjoe juggle numerous commitments on top of parenting duties, they have not lost their passion for one another. While one would think that the ability to keep the sparks in a seven year marriage while parenting two children is nearly impossible, Boris and Nicole say prioritization holds their relationship together. Today's Top Post GALLERY: THE CANNON TWINS LIVE IT UP IN MOROCCO AND ITALY “It’s all about priorities,” says Boris to RollingOut.com. “We make sure that we put in some sexy time, and we go out on date nights and spend quality time together, because we were here first. Everything else is a reflection of that. If she and I are good, then everything else is good. So it’s very important that we put in the time to cherish each other.” In cherishing one another, Boris and Nicole find themselves loving parenthood even more. As Nicole explains, “Being a parent is the hardest job ever in life. Raising children uses every bit of your being — your heart, your time, your patience, your foresight, your intuition to protect them, and you have to use all of this while trying to figure out how to discipline them. But we’ve been married for seven years, and I think that the greatest challenge but also the greatest gift, is understanding that I’m way more capable than what I think I am. You have to work hard not to take your partner for granted, even when you are tired. We have a special needs child, so we also have to get up in the middle of the night and check on her. So, I’ve been pushed to the limits that I thought I had, and I’ve gone beyond those … that’s been the greatest gift throughout this journey with my husband.” Boris and Nicole have been journeying together in the entertainment industry for quite some time and have a formula when considering acting gigs. “We work really hard at making sure that our kids always have a sense of stability and routine, which means that when one of us is working, we try our best to make sure that the other is in place so that they can still go to school and do all of the things that they are accustomed to doing in their routine,” says Boris. The actor also states, “We also make sure that we visit each other. When Nicole is in London, I am going to make sure that I go and see her. And at the end of the year, we will take the kids over to see her and spend the final five or six weeks of her show together. When she was on Broadway, she would always fly home to see the kids if she had a day off, and to also spend time with me. So that’s how we try to keep things going … family comes first with us, so we’re going to do what we have to do to make this work.” “Our kids don’t know anything about Hollywood. They just know that sometimes Mommy and Daddy have to go away for work. And they know that if Mommy is gone, then Daddy is going to be there, and if I’m gone, then Mommy is going to be there … at least one of us is always there. We also take them with us at times. I took them to New York at least three times to see Nicole, and we stayed a few weeks. We take them backstage and on set so they can see what we do, but they don’t look at it as Hollywood. They just know that this is where Mommy and Daddy work,” adds Boris. In all of the glamor and glitz, Boris and Nicole are sure to remember their obligations at home because “family always comes first. We sit down together, and then we just weigh the pros and cons and figure out what ‘s best for the family. When you keep in mind what your priorities are, and for us it’s family, all of the other things just kind of fall into place.” Nicole and Boris live in Atlanta, Georgia with son Nicolas,5, and daughter Sophie,7.

Mommy & Me Fashion

Fashion Week 2012 hosted by Mercedes-Benz is coming to a close and June Ambrose had a ball. She, along with daughter Summer Chamblin,8, faithfully attended the events this year and viewed the experience as a great time for mother-daughter bonding. Today's Top Post GALLERY: THE CANNON TWINS LIVE IT UP IN MOROCCO AND ITALY “It’s been great. [Summer] starts school tomorrow so this is how we end the summer every year. And it’s great because she gets to do things with me and experience some things that I love and have an appreciation for things that excite me: art and culture,” said Ambrose to Fashionista. The pair were ever the stylish duo throughout the entire event. So what’s Summer’s secret to style? “Summer likes to play in my closet, so she gets to pick out accessories. Like today, she’s wearing my Sonia Rykiel bag and Hermes bracelets. So she has fun,” says June. As for Summer’s overall experience at Fashion Week and her favorite runway show: “Mom–wait, wait, mom, mom, moooommy, what was the show we saw before this? (June: ‘Tracy Reese). Tracy Reese.” Photos:AllTHePrettyBirds/Stephen Lovekin

Kids Fashion Show

Celebrity kid Alijah Kai,8, was just one of many young models to work the runway at the SPOILED! fashion show charity event on September 12, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. Today's Top Post GALLERY: THE CANNON TWINS LIVE IT UP IN MOROCCO AND ITALY The event, which was hosted by America’s Next Top Model’s Eva Marcille, was the launch of SPOILED!, an online platform consigning children’s gently used designer clothing. Proceeds from the benefit and the organization’s website will go to the Jennesse Center. For over 20 years, the Jenesse Center has served as a safe haven for victims of domestic violence. The center specializes in intervention and prevention, nursing individuals exposed to abuse back to mental and physical health. Jenesse Center has helped thousands of families get back on track through its comprehensive program of financial workshops and emotional well-being classes. Alijah’s mom,Tichina Arnold, along with Ryan Ochoa, Eva Marcille, and Geno Segers were among many stars who supported Jenesse Center through SPOILED!’s event on Wednesday. All of the celebs, as well as other attendees, brought gently used children’s clothes to be sold on the company’s website. Ten percent of item sales are given back to the donor as profit. Website:www.spoiledfashionz.com.